November Days of Gratitude #5

You probably thought I wax gonna take the night off because . . . weekend? Well think again you guys! Because the November gratitude train stops for no one and no thing.

And for that, we are quite thankful. (Especially those of us who value punctuality and tight scheduling.)

Today, I am thankful that Jamie Buchman has provided a new way to teach my children about how they fall short from my astronomically high standards. 

Here's the backstory.

Last night I was sitting up late, maxin' and relaxin' after a long day of work. And while Lynda slept on the couch, I chose to watch some old DVR episodes of Mad About You. Unfortunately, one of the recorded episodes was a clip show ("The Test" if you're curious). Fortunately, it featured one of my favorite 15 seconds of the series.

(Helen Hunt, you can paper my roll anytime.)

 

So, just substitute me for Jamie/Paul for my kids and keep everything else the same. In my mind, this scenario happens nearly every single day. Why can't they learn to put a new roll on? And, certainly I've asked this question before. But I'm trying to be understanding, I guess. This is just what I do.

 

I get up in the mornings and survey the rooms. If the kids are awake, they've probably left their fans on. And when I go into the bathroom, it's certain that the nightlight is still on, even though it isn't needed in the daylight hours. But it's no problem to switch that off (to save bulb life, don't 'cha know) because I've got to be in the bathroom anyway to pull the bunched up shower curtain back closed again (to help it dry and . . . because it looks better that way. And while I'm at it, I'll notice the probable lack of toilet paper because odds are, the toilet isn't flushed anyway.

 

And, for that last one  . . . I don't really mind so much, at least not in the morning. Chances are, if they remember to flush the toilet I'll be in the shower and will get scalded with suddenly hot water. So, they've learned to hold off on that.

 

BUT . . . if they learned just to listen to see if the shower was running . . . I wouldn't NEED to check on them about it.

 

BUT, but, but . . .

 

. . . this is about gratitude. And while I found another instance of the problem this very morning . . . I am grateful that Jamie Buchman is here to help me lead them to water.

 

November Days of Gratitude #4

Today, I am grateful to know what the fox says.

Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-papow! is my favorite, for some unspeakable, deeply unknowable reason.

(This may be old news to you. But hey, I'm really busy today and I need . . . NEED . . . to be grateful for something. It's the November imperative.)

November Days of Gratitude #3

In my ongoing series of being super thankful during the month of November (and ONLY in November) . . . today I am glad that Lady Gaga is going into space.

(Credit:Julian Parker/UK Press via Getty Images)

 This is, I think, what the movies Apollo 13 and Gravity have been trying to tell us. Their lesson is that space is easy. It is a hospitable environment that anyone is suited for. And who among us is MORE suited for space than Lady Gaga?

I sort of feel responsible for this turn of events, because I have spent a good portion of time supporting/glorifying/celebrating celebrities . . . encouraging them to think that they can simply do whatever they want.

But maybe it's not all my fault. Maybe Felix Baumgartner's jump from the edge of space just made it seem all quite easy. (I mean, he only achieved a speed of 700 miles per hour, while recovering from some insane spins, and ended up landing on the ground and walking away like . . . hey, dude, no problem.)

Or perhaps its was Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield's personalization of life in space (not to mention his public heckling of the disaster . . . or was it just the physics? . . . depicted in Gravity) made it all seem so, um, easy?

But it's not JUST wackos on the edge of the world making it seem easy. Have you already forgotten about wire-walker Nik Wallenda's casual stroll over the Grand Canyon?

So, all things in all . . . it guess it's surprising that Lady Gaga hasn't been in space BEFORE now.

I'm just grateful that she's going at all.

God speed Gaga.

You go for us all.

November Days of Gratitude #2

Get Thankful everybody. It's the time after summer, between Halloween and Christmas, when we all have to tote up our blessing and remember that we have got it really good. Shove down those work frustrations. Put aside those unfulfilled life goals. Overlook those daily failings. Life is better than you think, says I.

How do I know?

Credit: images.cryhavoc.org

Well, today, I am thankful for tact . . . and I bet that you are as well.

Without tact, we'd actually say what we think. And if we did that, each day would be some sort of verbal Armageddon and we'd really be angry all the time because everyone would be confronting us with the worst version of ourselves . . . most likely the version of ourselves that we are afraid to admit to and that we really don't want people to deal with.

So, we hid behind tact and politeness and get-alongingness and we're all in this togetherness. And it is the glue that makes things stick. It is the lubricant that smooths over the rough patches. It is the grease that helps me get through a day when everyone is looking out for their own interests but I am worried that I'm never looking out for mine.

[And yes, I'm sure some of you might read yourselves into these sentences, and I can only say that this post is motivated by a single incident that happened to me this very afternoon at 4 pm and it happened when I got home and it isn't related to members of my family and it isn't directly work-related. So . . . I PROMISE . . . rest easy. This is NOT about YOU.]

See, how I just used tact and conciliation to ease your concerns--assuming you have any? I could have just left it out there and left you to twist and worry all night long wondering . . . Is David hating on ME?! But what did I do?!!! I can't have David hating meeeee! (I assume you are all worried about how I view you at all times.)

But I was tactful. I assuaged your fears. I'm not angry with YOU.
I'm just angry at THAT person over there . . . the one behind you, standing slightly to the side, the one that I'm directing my angry eye toward. THAT one . . . And BOY are they gonna feel the burn when I unleash my tact-less comments in their direction!

______ Days of Gratitude

It's a few days into November! And you know what that means . . .

Yep. All of Facebook is full up of people listing their thanks, their warm fuzzies, their moments of gratitude and secret thoughts for how great things are. And, really, that is great. I have lots of those things. The problem is . . . I'm keeping track of them . . . sort of . . . in a jar at my office desk (where I sorely need to be reminded of good things every now and then).

So I can't step all over the toes of THAT post, which will probably be written sometime in January 2014, when I sit down and review those slips of paper and then wonder why I have this huge hole of not noticing anything between June and (probably) December. (One may hope that I can proudly look on my ever progressing work project and say . . . oh, yeah . . . THAT THING.)

Still, who am I to pass up a good meme and force myself into doing some blogging. (Since I'm certainly NOT doing NaNoWriMo.)

So, now that I've let almost four days slip past me in this month of gratitude, I'll kick it off with this:

Item 1: I'm grateful that I am not living in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.

If the worse happened, I'd end up like this little dude. (Credit: redditgifts.com)

Sure, it might feel that way . . . but trust me. We are NOT living through a zombie apocalypse right now. (And I should know, since I've read the Zombie Survival Guide, watched all episodes of The Walking Dead, and even played some zombie-themed board games.)


Because of this expertise, I can assure you that we are not currently experiencing the nightmare of relentless attacks from undead hordes. (Those are only the robo-calls for tomorrow's school board elections.)

If this WERE a zombie apocalypse, I wouldn't even be here. I would have bit the dust a LOOOOONG time ago. As my aforementioned research in this topic has shown me, I do not have the skills needed to fight off hordes of  walkers/skin-eaters/biters/what-have-yous. I would have twisted my ankle on day 4 and become some corpses' lunch before the weekend. No, I'm not equipped for such a catastrophe.

I know some techniques:

• fill up an upstairs bathtub with drinking water
• hide out with suitable weaponry on the second floor
• destroy the staircase, because zombies can't climb
• hope the horde moves on so that you can forage

 But its unlikely that you can rebuild a civilization upon such a flimsy structure.
I have no Scouting experience and I have proven many times over that I'm not much in the way of handiness. So . . . unless you need females to repopulate the planet or you need the occasional joke about LOST to get you through a tough day of fighting off the recently deceased . . . I'm just not your guy.

Sorry. . .

So, I'm happy THAT is not my problem today.