Come on! It's calendar Halloween! You need to be planning your best costume ever and going out to buy grapes and spaghetti noodles and lots of ketchup and stuff. That fake haunted house isn't going to build itself! (And if it does . . . well, then YOU'VE got quite an interesting Halloween story to share now don't you?)
Nothing is going to require you to watch college football today. It's definitely NOT a treat and it might just be a trick. So if you have kids and if they went out on Beggars Night or Devils Night or whatever your community calls the Trick or Treat night that isn't actually October 31 . . . well, you TAKE their candy and eat it up. And then, because you've consumed an unhealthy amount of sugar, you go take a long walk. Eat an apple. Consume some fiber.
DO. NOT. sit down and watch college football all day.
But, I'm not here just to re-explain the premise of this post to you. I'm here to distract you with something new and exciting and . . . um . . . diverting.
But WHAT?!
One thing that I could do is republish an old FCP from years past. If things get super desperate, maybe that’s what I sometimes consider. But that’s not fair to you and is it really asking that much to get me to think of something new?
One thing I can admit to you now (not sure whether this is Counter-Programming worthy or not) is that I’m facing a quandary (of my own making) on the venerable WWYG?! site.
For many years I owned a custom URL that I paid a small fee every year for. Did you notice? I had exclusive rights to whywontyougrow.com. (Not sure why anyone else out there didn't want it. But it was mine and I paid for the privilege for over a decade.
Earlier in 2026 I decided to stop paying that fee. The site still functions and the URL reverted to the . . . blogspot version that I began this nonsense with back in 2004. But it doesn't truly impact my digital reach and nothing important really changes.
There is a problem--a consequence--of this downgrade, however. You might have already guessed it--though I doubt that you have actually experienced it . . . unless you are a rare person who goes digging through my WWYG?! archives for some reason.
Because of the change in URL, my embedded links that were built in the past are now broken.
An unknown but quite large percentage of of my links no longer work.
I can go back through each post and correct the link, of course. That might be something that I can do while sitting and watching college football. (KIDDING!?!!!)
It’s not like I’m going to the gym or filling my time with a lot of other highly important activities when I’m not working. So there is time in my exciting life for me to do that.
But part of me is wondering if there’s a way that I can get AI to do this for me. Because isn’t that what we’re being told all the time? This is the sort of brute force, stupid work that I should be able to use AI for?
My problem with that, however is that I just get exhausted thinking about how I’m supposed to train the machine to do the work for me.
I guess it’s the clearest example of how washed I am that I’d rather do it myself page by page linked by link rather than try to teach myself how to get the machine to do it for me. I’m definitely aging out of the world that we are currently living in.
Anyway . . . don't watch college football today and find some way to hold onto that spark of excitement that makes life worth living!
This week I'm going medium brow to distract you from college football.
Andy Warhol (in case you don't recognize him above) is . . . well, is he high brow art? Low brow art? Corporate artist? Late/mid-century proto Banksy?
Medium brow seems okay to me. But what do I know? I'm only an art enthusiast. (Though I have toured The Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh. And I once took a Warhol-ian photograph of a banana* one time as well. So maybe I know everything?)
ANDBUTSO, this week's counter-programming is rich with visuals, so let's get into it!
Why am I picking Mr. Warhol to be the center of this week's distraction?
Because I've just realized that two of my favorite authors publishing works orbiting Warhol at the same time. I then read them back-to-back.
First, I got John Green's newest book Hollywood, Ending. In this story, the two characters are actors working on a movie. And the movie just happens to be a biopic surrounding the last years of Andy Warhol's life. The main story is about the relationship between the two actors (Juniper and Kai). The Andy Warhol character is important as a plot motivator but not the central focus of the plot itself.
Then I started reading Chuck Klosterman's newest book Rock*. In this alternative history, the story presupposes that the debut album of the band The Velvet Underground--"The Velvet Underground & Nico"--was such a cultural force that it reshaped all of rock-n-roll/U.S. cultural history. The Warhol connection is similarly tangential. He was a co-producer of the album and provided the banana cover art image for the album.
Before I started reading these two books, I might have summarized the relationship between John Green and Chuck Klosterman as:
Now, however, I am always going to have to acknowledge that Andy Warhol lives in the shared space between them.
Anyway . . . I know it is October and this is prime college football time/weather.
But I've just given you several things that you could take up instead!
Read one or both of these books.
Take a weekend trip to Pittsburgh and check out the Andy Warhol Museum!
Listen to "The Velvet Underground & Nico".
There are many, MANY things that you can do that don't involve college football. If you don't like my suggestions, I am quite sure that you can find yourself something to take up instead. All you have to do is clear up that part of your brain that is normally considering the effectiveness of the Run/Pass Option or trying to remember what a Jet Sweep is. There are many other things to learn about.
And I promise that college football won't miss you.
If you are not familiar with R.E.M. (which . . . come on!) or the songs that I am focusing on below, I encourage you to take a few moments from your football-free Saturday and watch the videos. You will notice similarities in the songs but definitely NOT in the video presentation.
The similarities in these two songs--which appear to be separated by almost two decades of band history are--I have learned--not accidental.
An earlier version of "Bad Day" was written in the 1980s . . . when "It's The End of the World . . . " were also written and recorded.
"Bad Day" also references 1980s President extraordinaire Ronald Reagan. (It's the blink-and-you'll-miss-it Teflon whitewashed presidency lyric in the first stanza.)
"It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)"--single release November 16, 1987. On the album "Document," also released in 1987 under the I.R.S. record label.
The video of ITEotW is strikingly different than BD of course. The more modern song and video reflects the media of the early 2000s. The original '80s song much more closely reflects the sleepier, less chaotic (and less public lifestyle) of the band before it became nationally and globally famous.
Wait . . . did I type sleepier and less chaotic? That wasn't correct.
My memory of the video was tricking me because when I started watching it just now (in your past), I was immediately struck by the clear evidence of hectic chaos. This is reflected in the song of course by the staccato song delivery by Stipe, the word salad lyrics themselves, and the hand-held camcorder POV imagery in the video. The camera's field of view swings this way and that, consistently point at the floor full of junk and whatever else happens to be in the ramshackle hideout.
(Am I right to note that the black torso figurine that is held up . . . twice . . . at the 1:27 mark is a representation of the I.R.S. logo (the old record company of "Document"? I've always though so.)
So, I was wrong. Sleepy it ain't.
And that forgotten quality of the video makes the connection between ITEotW and BD even more obvious.
"Bad Day"--released on September 15, 2003. Located on the Warner Brothers label compilation album "In Time: The Best of R.E.M., 1988-2003."
This song was the inspiration for this post when I learned that this week in 2026 is the twenty-third debut day of the video (October 14, 2003).
I really like "Bad Day." To me it has that electronic quality that defines the second half or last third of R.E.M.'s discography. This sonic quality certainly separates it from ". . . End of the World . . ." But both songs have a propulsive and percussive quality that make them both very catchy.
(Does anyone else besides me really want Michael to pantomime the church/steeple finger motions when those words comes up in the lyrics at 1:47?)
And while none of the trio are great actors or anything, there is something very affecting by Michael's facial expressions throughout the video. It makes me think that he was actually singing while filming, judging by the way his mouth and eyebrows and face are presenting.
Both songs also have similar structures. Besides the obvious fast delivery of many different things that define both songs, they both end on a constant repeating of the main song theme/title:
". . . It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it It's the end of the world as we know it And I feel fine
It's the end of the world as we know it It's the end of the world as we know it It's the end of the world as we know it And I feel fine
It's the end of the world as we know it It's the end of the world as we know it It's the end of the world as we know it And I feel fine
It's the end of the world as we know it It's the end of the world as we know it It's the end of the world as we know it And I feel fine"
". . . It's been a bad day, please don't take a picture
It's been a bad day, please It's been a bad day, please don't take a picture It's been a bad day, please
Broadcast me a joyful noise unto the times, Lord
Count your blessings We're sick of being jerked around We all fall down It's been a bad day, please don't take a picture It's been a bad day, please It's been a bad day, please don't take a picture It's been a bad day, please
It's been a bad day, please don't take a picture It's been a bad day, please It's been a bad day, please don't take a picture It's been a bad day, please"
I have a few ideas written down that I could use as a starting point for this week's Football Counter-Programming, but I’m not super inspired to actually use them. I won’t say what they are because I hope that I will find the motivation to use them for a future week.
I also noticed, while scrolling through my old posts on the Why Won’t You Grow?! blog that I have an unpublished draft of an idea from last year's FC-P that I hope will someday get fully written and posted. But I don’t think it is appropriate for this week either. I think that unpublished draft is also best served if it is posted on a certain date. And I’m not certain if that date even falls during the college football season. So that might be something of an issue.
All of that preamble aside however, I’m still left with a blank screen right now. And that can’t be . . . because it is my job to distract you from watching football. And if I can’t come up with a suitable distraction, then you’re going to quite naturally turn to football to fill your time. So that leaves me in a difficult spot.
I do have an idea, but it (counter-intuitively) sorta relies on college football's existence. And that is not the best look for a counter-programming effort that is explicitly TRYING to get you to think about things other than college football. But when cool things happen, well, you gotta do what you gotta do.
As you can tell from the title and the photo, today's subject is the Ohio State University Marching Band Script Ohio tradition of "Dotting the i." In which a fourth-year or fifth-year sousaphone student (or students if there are multiple Script Ohios being created) is singled out to break the formation and provide the final i dot maneuver, strutting alongside the drum major to the lower case vowel.
Script Ohio is a 90 year tradition (as of 2026) and I'm happy to say that today, a Westerville North Marching Band alumni--Matthew Sliwinski--is the i dotter in question. (Also . . . and I just learned this yesterday . . . Brandon Reed--another WNMB alumni--I think gets to give Matthew the final fist bump before the sousa player is separated from the rest of the formation and joins the Drum Major. (See the full POV of this 2025 i dotter through the formation--starting at 9:40 but getting the final send off at 12:36.)
Anyway . . . it's certainly a big day for Matthew and for the Sliwinski family. And I'm also happy to say that many of Matthew's old High School friends are going to be there in attendance today to cheer on their friend. When they knew that Matthew was going to be attending OSU, they all promised that they would be there when (hopefully!) his moment came.
And it finally did.
And they are there, as promised.
So . . . hurrah once again for Marching Band. The best thing to come out of college football since the creation of college football!
I know for sure that I'm putting a time bomb on this post by focusing on something that is so very much of this moment.
I know that embedding this Spotify playlist within this post instantly makes it obsolete and guarantees a broken link for future readers.
(Hi future WWYG?! readers!)
I know all this and I'm choosing to do it anyway because this is just too weird of an idea to let it pass by uncommented upon. This is what FC-P is made for! Oddities that might be able to pull you out of your slavish obsequience to college football!
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Do the embedded media items in this post already tell you what I'm talking about?
(Future WWYG?! readers, let me know! I assume that we are communicating through some type of biomechanical brain wave telepathy that has been desperately cobbled together as the last ditch way to communicate anti-AI resistance planning among freedom fighters. So that the AI killer bots won't be able to continue hacking our guerilla attacks? Hopefully you can spare a few credit seconds of communication time to let me know how this blog fares in the grim future. And, wow . . . aren't you surprised that I even made it to a survival state in this future? Lacking obvious physical prowess or something like charismatic leadership qualities . . . I wonder why I'm still around? But I'm glad that I'm there in the future with you!)
ANDBUTSO . . . would you consider listening to this Wendy's playlist?
Or is the very idea of it an insult to artistry and a capitulation to corporate stupidity?
What if I made it easier for you? Would you listen now?
Does it indeed . . . slap?
I confess that I have not spent time listening to these parking lot songs . . . because I've been carving out time to write about the need for YOU to listen to these parking lot songs.
Such is the responsibility of a Football Counter-Programming. Always counter-programming and never actually, um, programming?
I need you to tell me how the songs are? How do they compare to late 80s R.E.M.? Or early 2000s Death Cab for Cutie? Are they good enough to convince you to supersize those fries? Would you wear black eyeliner when you have a craving and go out to get that 8:30 pm Frosty?
Most importantly of all?
What would Dave say?!
Take time this Saturday to consider all of these questions and please, I beg you, devote your time to this problem! Nobody in the NCAA is thinking about you like Wendy's is thinking about you!
Until next week . . . get some extra napkins because those french fries are gonna make your hands greasy. And you've gotta grip that wheel tight on the way home!
If you don't recognize Sebastian Stan's MCU portrayal of Captain America's sidekick/childhood friend from the photo above, Bucky is . . . uh . . . Steve Roger's childhood friend and Captain America sidekick World War II pal. Bucky would be separated from Cap and the other Howling Commandoes in a World War II attack on the Red Skull and was thought to be dead.
But no on in comics stays dead long. So it was later revealed that Barnes did not die. He was found by the Soviets and kept alive (sometimes in suspended animation cold storage, which helps explain his long life) and given a Iron Curtain version of the super soldier serum that transformed Steve into Cap. Thus, a brainwashed Bucky Barnes was transformed into the Winter Soldier--a deadly assassin who helped destabilize global politics during the decades of the Cold War.
The Winter Soldier was captured by Captain America and, with the help of Wakandan allies, deprogrammed. Thus Cap and Bucky became allies and fighting comrades once again. In the MCU, at least, Bucky now helps lead the New Avengers (aka The Thunderbolts). And Steve is dead in a past timeline . . . or secretly living on the Moon according to some MCU in-world conspiracy theorists.
All of that is great. But what is really important for today's FC-P is the fact that James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes is just a big ole nerd.
This delightful exchange between Bucky and the new Captain America (aka Sam Wilson aka "Falcon") took place after Steve disappeared into a new time stream following the events of Avengers: Endgame.
What is my point in all this?
Mostly it is to distract you from college football, as you already know.
But it is also a motivating reason to drop this video clip. Because I love the framing that the Avengers almost exclusively fight one of the Big Three. But more than that is the revelation that Bucky was enough of a nerd to get his hands on an original American publication of The Hobbit. My brief research does support his claim.
The book was published in Britain and the United States in 1937, as Bucky says. So he would have had the opportunity to read it when he was twenty years old in 1937. Though born in Indiana, Bucky's family moved to New York City during his childhood. It is there, presumably, when Bucky managed to read an early New York Post review of The Hobbit and was sufficiently intrigued to get his own copy.
We know little more about Bucky's reading habits. As portrayed in the MCU, Bucky's young adult life seems more focused on relationships with young women and keeping a careful eye on Skinny Steve Rogers. But maybe he was a fantasy fan his whole life.
Do you think Bucky got into D & D at some point? Being a brainwashed Commie assassin during the Cold War years of the 1970s and 1980s would made that unlikely. But post Winter Soldier, maybe he made up for lost time and caught up with his old habits before World War II? We know that Steve made an effort to watch Star Wars and Star Trek and do his own bit of pop culture reconnaissance.
I support the notion that Bucky spent time watching movies and reading The Lord of the Rings, watching Peter Jackson's movies, and maybe even getting into Raymond Feist's Magician series. Or Lev Grossman's The Magicians series. (Do you think he was a Ring of Time guy? What about A Song of Ice and Fire?) He had LOTS of deprogramming time on his hands while he was recuperating in Wakanda.
You also may have lots of time this weekend.
I implore you to NOT waste it with college football.
I was sitting in church last Sunday (as I usually do . . . Christian humble brag) and I heard the following first reading from our weekly lectionary of Biblical selections.
As I listened, I got to thinking about the wording of the Exodus passage and you will see that I have boldfaced portions of it below.
Putting 2 and 2 together, I quickly came up with the number 4--as in Water . . . Earth . . . Fire . . Air . . . and well . . . I guess I'll just say it . . .
WAS THE BIBLICAL MOSES AN AVATAR?
(a master of the four elements . . . not, to be clear, the alien blue skinned whatevers in those terrible James Cameron movies)
Yes, I'm asking.
Was Moses an Aang before Aang? Can Korra carry on a mental conversation with the Hebrew leader of the exodus from Egyptian bondage?
This, in no way, should be considered an endorsement of NOT watching the full show. I heartily recommend the series and its associated spin-offs. It is a foundational text in my family and it is absolutely worth your time and your attention.
So . . . why don't you stop reading this and take the next few weeks* to carefully watch the 60ish episodes of the cartoon. Then you can consider if want to also watch the Netflix live action version (s2 was much improved over s1). And THEN come back and start over here with this blog post to fully appreciate the point I am trying to make.
. . . waiting . . .
Okay. Now then.
Now you can educatedly read this Old Testament passage, take note of my boldfaced passages, and nod your head in agreement.
Moses was an early, Hebrew avatar.
A Reading from the Book of Exodus
"The angel of God who was going before the Israelite army movedand went behind them; and the pillar of cloud moved from in front of them and took its place behind them. It came between the army of Egypt and the army of Israel. And so the cloud was there with the darkness, and it lit up the night; one did not come near the other all night.
Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea. The Lord drove the sea back by a strong east wind all night, and turned the sea into dry land; and the waters were divided. The Israelites went into the sea on dry ground, the waters forming a wall for them on their right and on their left. The Egyptians pursued, and went into the sea after them, all of Pharaoh's horses, chariots, and chariot drivers. At the morning watch the Lord in the pillar of fire and cloud looked down upon the Egyptians army, and threw the Egyptian army into panic. He clogged their chariot wheels so that they turned with difficulty. The Egyptians said, 'Let us flee from the Israelites, for the Lord is fighting for them against Egypt.'
Then the Lord said to Moses, 'Stretch out your hand over the sea, so that the water may come back upon the Egyptians, upon their chariots and chariot drivers.' So Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and at dawn the sea returned to its normal depth. As the Egyptians fled before it, the Lord tossed the Egyptians into the sea. The waters returned and covered the chariots and the chariot drivers, the entire army of Pharaoh that had followed them into the sea; not one of them remained. But the Israelites walked on dry ground through the sea, the waters forming a wall for them on their right and on their left. . . ."
(Also, don't watch college football.) I will not help you with your eternal salvation.
___
*It's not like you should be taking this extended time to be watching college football, right?
What is the point of a blog if you are afraid to write in it?
If you aren't prepared to use a public forum to air out the biggest issues in your life, then why have such a forum at all?
Normally I use these sort of rhetorical devices to set up my FC-P theme of the week and then spin off into some nonsense that wraps around to the uselessness of college football. But maybe now I'm being more authentic than rhetorical and I'm grappling with the fact that life's problems are significant and people's lives are being reflected on. How comfortable am I dropping this stuff onto an online platform that tens of people might read?
To help me, let's put together a Pros and Cons list maybe.
PROS
1. Despite that fact that dozens of people read this space, it might helpful to lock all of the details of stuff here and maybe minimize the number of times that I would have to explain everything. It does get wearisome explaining your situation time and time again. Better to get it all out once and then hope you don't have to keep explaining yourself every time you turn around?
2. It is a sort of word processor-based therapy for me. Better mental health through increased words-per-minute.
CONS
1. I should remember that I am typing about real people with real lives and airing out their real situations--without their express consent. I don't know how David Sedaris keeps getting away with lightly editing his own family dramas into best-selling books and touring shows. But aside from our first names, he and I have nothing in common and I'm very confident that I would not have the familial leeway that he enjoys.
2. Let's be real. . . . Why Won't Your Grow?! is no one's preferred platform for anything. No breaking news is being effectively disseminated from this almost 30 year old platform. It's a friggin' BLOGSPOT webpage! That was effectively out of date a week after I posted my first WWYG?! post in 2004. So, putting anything of substance here is going to do me no good.
(side note about Con #1--Back when I was a young parent and a young blogger, I was having quite a day disagreeing with one of my very young kids. Both of us where digging our heels in and would not budge our position. And man . . . was I angry about it. I was very frustrated that I was being pushed around by a little kid and I didn't know what to do with that frustration and my anger.
So, I typed it all out in a very angry blog post and I published it. Or I was very close to publishing it. But while this was happening, Lynda got in touch via phone with our priest and I got a phone call. With gentle words and some calming perspective, I took the post down and started to begin calming down. And maybe that is all that I need to remember about this now.)
SO!
What, then, are we left with?
Just keep tossing together the same old half-baked, quickly conceived drivel that I've been doing seasonally since the early 2010s?
Keep trying to come up with a weekly idea that has some tenuous connection to collegiate pigskin and then vainly attempt to be diverting enough?
Keep hammering away at the quixotic conceit that this little game plays any role in what you choose to do each Fall weekend?
Guess so . . . !
See you next week . . . and remember everyone. Your alma mater had no idea what is going on in your personal life. They just want a. alumni checks, b. occasional sports ticket purchases, c. lots of merch purchases, and d. no angry tweets about how bad this year's defensive line is performing.
Except to say that it takes participation on your part to make a soup. You've got to gather the directions, read the recipe, prepare the ingredients, cook and stir, season and wait.
And in the end, after you have make your choices and done your job . . . you get delicious soup.
None of that happens when you watch college football.
It's entirely passive. And you are the passive one. You sit and watch. And nothing you shout or swear at the TV will make a difference.
And you don't even get delicious soup at the end.
So, spend your time today making delicious soup and less time watching college football.
Last night was the final football game for Jay's Senior Year. The band visited Dublin Scioto High School and it was a nice moment of symmetry. Four years ago (almost to the day), Eighth Grade Jay visited Dublin Scioto to perform the "Wild" show.
So, last night, you might say that their band experience came . . . "Full Circle" (an old head WNMB joke there).
It was an unexpected thing to notice as I pulled drum major podiums into the football stadium to walk past some very familiar red, wooden rectangular platforms. I immediately thought that these props looked like the red props that the Bluecoats used in their 2024 DCI Championship "Change is Everything" show. And sure enough, after asking a Bluecoat alumni who works on staff, it was confirmed.
(The Bluecoats--like other drum corps, probably--sell props and uniforms at the end of each season to boost income for the upcoming year.)
So, Lynda and I looked up the Dublin Scioto band show for 2025 on YouTube and discovered that it was called "The Knockout." (No . . . not that "The Knockout," but perhaps a close second.)
Here is a photo of last night's Scioto show from the sideline, showing the props in action.
After the game was done and I was pulling the drum major podium back to the equipment trailers, I got some help from my pit crew friend Mark and we both got photos of each of us geeking out on some authentic DCI props.
And this, brings my band experience into a Full Circle moment as well.
I know that there are two more weeks of competitions before it is fully over. And I'll be helping with Bingo events into the future to help provide needed funding for the band program. But my high school band geek self met my adult band dad self last night, connected by a decades long love of the marching arts and DCI excellence.
It's been quite a ride the last decade with my kids and the adults and staff that make this band go forward each and every year. I've loved it!
But . . . remember. Today--if you watch college football (which you shouldn't!) the best and only thing to pay attention to are the marching bands. And, unfortunately, you're not going to see them on TV. So you might as well find something else to do.
Last week was the first Saturday off that I've had since the marching band season started in earnest. So I took advantage of it and didn't do much.
Unfortunately, part of that not doing much was NOT writing a Football Counter-Programming effort. (Though, I did write a tangential call to action post on Facebook encouraging people to think about the value of well-funded schools.)
More on THAT upcoming election issue in a separate post that I need to sit down and devote serious time and thought to, to make sure that it is written well. Not dashed off in the moment. Because it is important. And I want it to be meaningful.
But that is not what this is.
This is largely meaningless. And so is college football.
(Sure, people are employed by it and all of that. But so is the tobacco industry. And both segments of industry have been given too much centrality and influence is the point I'm trying to make here. . . . each and every post.)
So . . . for the love of everything . . . if you smoke . . . STOP. Put your earned income to better things. (Like funding the community schools that actually try to do good in your world and make each one of us better, more informed, more connected citizens of the places where we live and work and love one another.)
And if you watch college football . . . STOP. It won't miss your attention. At least not until enough of us deprive it of our attention.
I don't have a very strong connection to Redford. As a child, I remember him in Out of Africa and The Natural. I've seen his version of Jay Gatsby. I certainly know him as S.H.I.E.L.D. director Alexander Pierce. But he hasn't been a huge acting presence in my life.
I know that so many people revere him, however. And when anyone of notoriety dies, the social media posts light up with praise and remembrances.
I want to highlight an observation that I liked from one such remembrance--via The Ringer. It posits that Redford shaped a new late 1960s & 1970s version of the male archetype as an in between space transitioning from the midcentury male who "bends but never breaks" [I'll suggest Captain Steve (America) Rogers, who can get up, dust himself off, and do this all day.] and the 1980s muscle-head who never stops inflicting himself and his pain on his target. [Here I'll point to Tony "Iron Man" Stark, who is a thinking version of Rambo--someone who always has whatever he needs to inflict him action on the enemy.]
Redford never came off as someone who would happily take a punch. He was too pretty for that. And he wasn't the angriest man in the room either.
I'm not a fighter. So, I could never pattern myself after a tough guy--either one of the Greatest Generation or of the Last Action Hero genre. But we need different versions of male attitude and action these days. If I have to pick, I'll pick Redford I suppose.
But, whomever you pick, don't pick College Football on a Saturday.
Now is the week where I play catch up and get retroactively upset about something that either
a. you didn't even know happened--and maybe don't care (until I try to convince you otherwise), or
b. you did know that it happened, but you don't care because . . . well, it happened a while ago.
Ed. note: It occurs to me as I create this justification structure that it is very similar to the whole counter-programming effort. Here I am trying to convince you not to do something that you are already committed to. And the only shot I have to make you care is to pull out all of the rhetorical flourishes and engagements that I can come up with to swerve you into my direction. Unfortunately, since I set aside time to write these diatribes in a very narrow window that usually buts up against the start of the Saturday noon kickoff . . . my skill level and my creativity are often not up to the task I put before myself.
Andbutso . . . what is this past moment that got my retroactively upset?
Take a look at the accompanying image for this post.
Is it helping?
Sure, Sam Neill played a paleontologist in the past. But that is not the past that I am referring to. Or it is only part of that past. Paleontologists study the far distant past, using the fossilized remains of dinosaurs (and other flora and fauna) to help us understand the complexities of evolution and the historical development of our world.
But again, I'm also more upset about the recent past.
Because . . . last weekend I watched a past episode of Netflix's Everybody's Live with John Mulaney. (Specifically the April 2025 Dinosaur episode.)
And when I watch it, I got PISSED.
Mulaney's tongue-in-cheek premise was (paraphrased) . . . are we sure about dinosaurs?
Meaning . . . do we have the whole story of dinosaurs right? Because he made some jokes about how scientists think they evolved into birds now. And that some dinosaurs had feathers then. And just how accurate can those museum skeletons be anyway? Those types of jokes.
Funny enough. And I'm not here to get crotchety and demand that John do a better job of explaining the scientific method and how uncertainty and the willingness to be wrong is baked into good science. And to get also not get into the history of how generations of paleontologists did in fact, very much so, get dinosaurs wrong at first. And then science did its thing and fossil records were better analyzed. And then science itself got better at pretty much everything. So today's dinosaurs are probably (in my opinion) on pretty solid ground, theory wise.
Those sorts of Neil DeGrasse Tyson attitudes just get in the way of the funny jokes. I get that.
This is not what upset me.
Because, after the monologue, John as well as his first guests Conan O'Brien and Ayo Adebiri, took some live phone calls from the live April 2025 airing. And the SECOND caller was non other than Dr. Jack Horner, himself. Noted paleontologist and the inspiration of Sam Neill's Jurassic Park character pictured above.
The problem was the Mulaney and his guests DID NOT recognize Dr. Horner for who he was and though he was just some yokel Ph.D. paleontologist from Rock State University or something. Maybe they don't care and I'm sure they don't. But hell, they live and film in Hollywood. Couldn't SOMEONE on the staff have enough knowledge of recent film blockbusters to know who was calling and swerve the conversation into some joke trajectory that made sense? Rather than simply treating like any other scientist that they don't know.
Maybe it couldn't have happened in the moment of the phone conversation--which was pretty short and silly. So I get then why a off-stage production assistant couldn't talk to Mulaney's earpiece (?) and correct him. But the episode continued for anther 40ish minutes after the initial phone call and NO ONE figured out what had happened and didn't think to write up a cue card to get Mulaney to throw back to the earlier phone call with a bit more context?
Just a huge missed opportunity.
I'm still kind of upset about it.
But not as upset as YOU will be if you spend several hours of your Saturday watching college football.
Read a Michael Crichton book instead, why don't you?
And remember, your land-grant alma mater is desperately looking for enough funds to pay hard working scientists to keep doing quality research. The athletic department doesn't need any more of your help.
Until next week . . . remember also . . . that life finds a way.
I apologize to myself and probably to a few of you for not putting the Lord of the Rings movies on this list. Just know that I am kind of uncomfortable with this choice and that Smeagol is truly disappointed in me. So, I've put his scowling face here as something of an apology.
It's 2025 and a while back lots of media outlets started compiling their Best of the Quarter Century listicles. So, who am I to miss out on an idea and flip it into a content mine for FC-P?
So, without further preamble, here are my best TV shows, movies, and books of the past 25 years. And thought I might should have split these into three separate lists and thus guaranteed ideas for FC-P into the middle of the season . . . well, I've decided instead to just throw my thoughts out there in a big 'ol pile of thoughts.
If you are one of the few people who have been semi-regular readers of WWYG?! during it's (kinda sort) two decades of irrelevance, you most likely will be very unsurprised and non-plussed by all that follows.
I'm nothing if not predictable, is what I'm saying.
BEST OF THE QUARTER CENTURY!
10. Yesterday [movie; debuted in 2019] I just love this movie. If we watched TV like we did when I was a kid, and I was flipping channels and this appeared . . . I'd drop everything to watch the rest from that point on. Just fun and heartwarming and full of good music.
9. The Vlogbrothers YouTube series; debuted in 2007] The Brotherhood 2.0 webseries debuted in 2007 and morphed into the standard Vlogbrothers format in 2008. Nothing on this list has likely had a longer term impact on me. I think about the Green brothers regularly and watch every single one of their videos each and every week. I admire what they do. Full stop.
8. Severance [TV show; debuted in 2022] Such a recent entry! But such a stylish and interesting show. It's been extensively covered in every which way. And I have no idea what is happening next. But I really enjoy watching the show and look forward to whatever they come up with next.
7. Kidding [TV show; debuted in 2018] It was something of a tie between Kidding, which I love, and Shrinking, which I also . . . um, love. But I'm going to give this spot to Kidding because I think fewer people know about it. (Don't know if that is true, but it feels that way to me.) And a bonus because I blogged about it once before!
6. Captain America: The Winter Soldier [movie; debuted in 2014] My favorite, basic bitch Avenger. And my favorite Cap movie. Come for the opening scene where Cap and Black Widow take down a ship at sea. Stay for the spy thriller vibes and for Steve Rogers best looking Cap suit.
5. Andor [TV show; debuted in 2022] I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this because much of the internet has already covered it. Simply the best Star Wars story told in the most intricate and beautiful way.
4. Chuck [TV show; debuted in 2007] Some . . . well, more than I care to admit . . . doesn't fit well in a post #MeToo world. The male gaze is all over this show. But a lot of it is very nerdy and fun. And I was super into spy shows at the time. It's another foundational entertainment experience for my family. And a top contender for the subject of tattoo #2, when that time comes around.
3. Avatar: The Last Airbender [TV show; debuted in 2005] A touchstone for all of my kids and myself growing up. A richly imagined story that matured from silly kids stuff in the first half of season 1 into something worthwhile and captivating. And very funny as well.
2. House of Leaves [book; published in 2000] I'm lucky that it was published in 2000 and therefore I can justify adding my most mind-blowing reading experience to this list. As with my number 1 choice, once I fell into it, I tried to get others to read it . . . if they dared. It's not an easy read, but the experience makes the story come to life in ways no other book has done. And I've tried other Danielewski books and (unfortunately for me) they haven't lived up to this.
1. LOST [TV show; debuted in 2003] A TV sensation. I was a super fan from the start and did my best to proselytize for anyone who would listen. And, hey . . . it's the subject of my first (and so far, only) tattoo. So it gets the number 1 spot because I loved it unabashedly from the start and never really lost faith in whatever it wanted to do.
So . . . here are SO MANY things that you can experience today (and in the following Saturdays as much MUCH better uses of your time than watching college football.
Please consider any or all of these as something better to do.
It's been around six or seven years since Dad seemed something like himself. (Which was always a changing perception as he aged . . . which is--of course--true for all of us.)
It's been about four years since Dad gave me his Seiko wristwatch featuring the Pioneer company logo on the black watch face. I knew at the time that he was starting to give things away and begin the slow, symbolic process of saying goodbye.
It's been a little under three years since Dad entered a full time care facility and began slipping away.
It's been almost one year since Dad died.
It's only been a couple of days since I looked at that the watch on my left arm and realized that I am now definitely past the age that I remember him wearing it every day.
That shocked me.
We all age and I know when I look in the mirror that I'm no where at all who I was even five years ago, much less fifteen years ago. But to come to the realization that I'm now older than Dad was in my memory . . . when he seemed fully grown and adult and in charge. And I was just a young kid, starting to edge into college and couldn't even see where my life might someday go.
Sure . . . its very logical, since I've already got two adult kids of my own and the third is right on that edge of college where I was in my memory. But it still seems shocking. Because Dad (even when he was younger and especially when he was older and growing to be "less") . . . he was still . . . Dad.
My inner monologue just doesn't see myself as Dad. Even though I've been one for approaching thirty years now.
It just goes to show you that we are all masters at lying to ourselves.
So, don't lie to yourself this Saturday.
Your participation in today's college football smorgasbord--whether in person or through television--matters not at all. You cannot affect the outcome and your presence in person or in spirit will not be registered by the teams at play.
So do not give it your time.
Do something today where you can tangible affect change.
Over the years, I've spent weekends trying to distract you from the hegemony of college football. And (so I'm told) one of the biggest games of the year is happening on week one.
So . . . what can I do against all of that?
Maybe nothing.
Maybe I join the hive mind and become part of the college football culture.
Maybe I give up the fight?
Or . . .
maybe . . .
not?
So, (sources say) that the "important game" this week is Texas versus Ohio State. And I happen to be near Ohio State, so maybe I can offer some relevant perspective? (But likely not.)
Maybe I'll lean somewhat into the mess and fight college football fire with randomly connected (?) facts?
For instance, did you know that the Texas starting quarterback is someone named Arch Manning? And were you further aware that he is the nephew/grandson of many famous Manning quarterbacks? Does that mean anything?
Did you know that he wears number 16 on his jersey?
What does that mean?
Well, like--I'm sure you do as well--when I hear the number 16 I immediately think of Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth president of the United States. And he was born in Kentucky and famously lived in Illinois. So I guess Abraham Lincoln (a good Midwesterner) would be a supporter of Ohio State against Texas--a known member of the Confederate States of America.
So, I guess, if you are going to root for college football today, you should do what Abe would do and root for the Ohio State Buckeyes. Maybe the fate of the nation truly depends on it?
But, in the end, remember that it doesn't matter who wins or loses today. And your alma mater only cares that you should know who the 16th American president was. So, give a healthy financial donation to your local college history department and support quality social studies education. Because that is something that the fate of this country may actually depend upon.
Go pick some apples and make apple cider or something. It might be a pretty day where you are!
No doubt about it. I've got my work cut out for me this week.
How do I successfully counter-program against the college football championship game? Especially when I'm living smack dab in the middle of ground zero for one of the teams participating in said game?
The best way that I can think?
Let's talk about God.
What other person/concept/animus/motivational force/cultural sports trope can impact as many (more, I would suggest) people as a college football fanbase?
If you paid any attention to college football in the wake of last week's semi-final game, you have seen this clip. But you might not have seen it from this angle. At the end, you see a Buckeye player get down on his knees in the endzone and (I presume) briefly thank God while he watches the play unfold down the field in front of him.
Here is a properly embedded YouTube video of a segment of the High School football movie Friday Night Lights.
To state the obvious . . . this clip shows both teams in their respective locker rooms praying the Lord's Prayer as they prepare for the second half of their football game.
What are we to make of these things?
Anything at all?
God and religion are regularly invoked for many American sporting contests every week. He/She/It will definitely be called upon before, during, and after the Championship game this Monday.
I'm not here to tell you if you are right or wrong to do this.
Personally, I don't think that God spends much time at all considering the outcome of sporting contests.
But since I DO happen to believe God is omniscient and all-powerful, He/She/It most certainly can get involved.
(Yet . . . if that were true, then why did the Atlanta Braves lose so many World Series in the 1990s?)
Religion and football have a strong connection with both of the teams playing in this year's College Football Championship. One--more obvious than the other, perhaps? But let's begin with my hometown team--of which I am an incomplete alumnus. (But I know that my participation in their games matters not to the outcome.)
ANYWAY . . . the Ohio State University is one of the most well-funded and most successful and most talented (which attribute matters most?) football teams in forever. But beyond the on-field exploits, THE knows how to galvanize and incentivize the fan base. And they will use what they have at hand.
And what do they have at hand?
Lots of Midwestern values
Lots of committed people with camera phones, and
A handy-dandy multistory religious icon in for form of the Solid Rock Church's "Touchdown Jesus."
Please tell me that you've heard of Touchdown Jesus. A massive effigy of a resurrecting Jesus coming out of the earth that towered over the highways north of Cincinnati, Ohio. (It's gone now--spectacularly destroyed by a lightning strike. It's eventual replacement didn't nearly have the in your God-fearing face as the original.)
But wait . . . who are the Buckeye's playing in this game?
checks notes
Oh!
Notre Dame, you say?
The most Catholic and religious school in the history of college football?
Yikes! How are the Buckeyes gonna defeat that? But let's not jump to immediate conclusions. What attributes does Notre Dame have?
Lots of Midwestern values
Lots of committed people with camera phones, and
A handy-dandy multistory religious icon in the form of the original?"Touchdown Jesus."
Um . . . hmm. Well . . . shoot.
Who wins?
Football loving Christians?
Who loses?
Satan and people who don't care about sports?
In football terms it might be a coin toss needed to decide the winner. But I happen to think that the O-H-I-O camera pose is a better visual than ND's TD Jesus mural. You can't get the people as clearly involved in the Notre Dame version.
You can pray to whomever you want on Monday. And maybe He/She/It will take pity on your prayer. But I'm here also. And I'm praying my own prayer. That you will listen to me just this one more time for this season and maybe NOT watch the game.
Read a book. Take a walk. Chop some wood for your fireplace. Give a David Lynch movie a try. Or just go into a small room and sit quietly for a few hours.
Call it meditation.
Call it prayer.
Call it whatever you want.
Because no matter what you choose to do, you can't affect the outcome of the game itself.
Thanks for hanging in there with me for another season of FC-P. Get a new hobby until it all comes back around again next year.
(for context . . . this is a pre-game photo from me within Ohio Stadium as the Ohio State Buckeyes hosted the University of Tennessee on December 21, 2024)
. . . It is, therefore . . . perhaps . . . antithetical to the spirit of the Football Counter-Programming project. But, perhaps the American saying "Only Nixon could go to China" is appropriate here. Only by entering the belly of the beast can I authoritatively counsel you on how to effectively counter-program and fight against the college football monolith.
And how hard it is to do so when the College Football Playoffs surround us!
When the weather in many places is cold (as it was so VERY cold on the night I was in attendance) and so your alternative options are limited to the indoors.
And the siren call of the TV light is strong.
And the hype of the playoffs is loud. (As loud as Buckeye fans witnessing the first half beat-down administered on the UT Volunteers.)
How hard is it to resist when your local team is advancing in dramatic and dominant ways? When the endorphins flow and your pleasure centers are flooded drive after drive with another score?
But don't give up! Because if you can find a way to resist one week at a time, the grind of games reduces the number of teams day after day. And your own personal connection (if any!) to the competing teams becomes less relevant as eliminations occur.
Maybe this has already happened for you?
Welcome brothers and sisters from Idaho, from Oregon, from Arizona! From elsewhere! Join the counter-programmed masses who have no rooting interest! Remember that whether you rooted or not had no demonstratable effect on the team's performance. (This can be proven by examining data on the Ohio State's team's performance from the Michigan game to the Tennessee game to the Oregon game. No fan involvement could generate or explain what happened there.)
For those still within the football rooting vortex . . . what should you do? How can you resist?
I suggest that you lean into the recent holidays and the chronology of now. If you got new books as Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwaanza gifts then embrace reading! There are fewer more effective things to fight sports than reading fiction, non-fiction, whatever. Always a good use of time. But if reading is not your thing, then make a 2025 New Year's Resolution to fill that football time with something else. Something new that occupies your hands, your mind, or your entire soul.
Exercise!
Craft!
Write!
Fight!
Do what you must to define yourself against the creep of football!
And remember . . . you will receive no prizes. No cash. Nothing of tangible value if your alma mater wins the College Football Playoff. Don't let it define you!
***
(thank you to my long-time friend Aaron, who kindly invited me to join him at the UT Playoff game; I find that smiling for the camera generated heat during the frigid temperatures of late December in Ohio; it should in no way suggest that I had a wonderful and unique experience with a great guy.)
I found a bit of time and a good enough piece of content to create some football distraction this week.
Above, as the title shows, is the final "production" video of the 2024 Marching Warrior show RED.
I really have enjoyed the existence of these end-of-season videos, which the program started making in 2022 (Play Ball). Please go visit the Westerville North Marching Band YouTube page to see that show as well as 2023's Non-Stop. And there are curated playlists of many other years of the program, stretching back through the previous decade and even into the 1990s when available. There are also a variety of Go-Pro Point of View videos that the kids have made and that I have collected on the site. I also love watching these videos--most of them beginning when Grace was still in High School and continuing now through Jay's Junior year. It helps capture the unique individuals and experiences of each year's day-to-day work.
The site is a labor of love done mostly through the skills of the band's official photographer/videographer Aaron Layne and also the Go Pro work of many students--spearheaded for the last several years by graduating senior Nick. I've done my bit by organizing and curating where needed to keep it as tidy as possible.
If you begin digging around here, I absolutely guarantee that you will spend enough time within to completely skip any and all football for this weekend.
So, until next time . . . remember. Your alma mater has its own marching band. And they work a hell of a long time each week. So don't ignore them during halftime. The hotdog will be there when the third quarter starts. (And the line will be shorter besides.)
