Lent #3: Religion and Perfectionism

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It's about time for me to write something else for Lent and as I was watching a video from one of my favorite YouTube vloggers, I got a tickling of inspiration from what he was talking about. And, as you can see . . . the topic is perfectionism.

(Channeling Jeb! . . . I ask you to "Please watch.")



All done?

Okay. So . . .Wheezy is right. Nothing is perfect. And perfection is not attainable by people in this world. But I see around me--especially in the media--an expectation for perfection. We expect so much of ourselves and we think that others expect so much of us. We live in a prepackaged, airbrushed, edited, softly-light media world in which the successful have got it all together and present their best face to the envious. And the bystanders take in that message and while they might listen to it, they are also subtly instructed to believe that everything is great and everyone else has it all put together and knows what is going on.

This, of course, is so very wrong.

All of us make it up every day, from moment to moment, reacting to the unknown and making decisions as we go. We try to be informed and we try to know what is what. But we often don't. We're often guessing.

But. . . if you listen to politicians and religious figures talk so many of  them speak in such strong absolutes, with such a definitive attitude of These Are The Truths That Have Been Revealed To Me! Can't you see that I have a pulpit from which to speak? Can''t you tell that I know more than you? Can't you understand that I have insight you do not have? I Am Right. And I Know The Truth. And I Have All The Answers.

So, it's hard to accept questions and doubt in the face of that sort of media-packaged certainty. And our American culture of celebrity and authority doesn't allow for doubt and uncertainty. We want our Talking Heads and Authority Figures to be . . . well, authoritative. We want guidance out of the confusion of the modern world.

Maybe that is why so many people are attracted to whatever message that Donald Trump is providing. Maybe that is why so many churches present very simple messages and lists of beliefs (if they even bother to try and teach beliefs rather than simply serve up feel-good songs and safety).

The world is complicated. And we are desperate for answers.

But, perfection is not achievable.

And I like that my faith does not try to tell you that there is only one answer. I like that the Episcopal church says all who question and all who seek are welcome. We are all broken and confused. The Episcopal church says that God and faith and effort can help you find answers and make your life (and the lives of others) better. But, there is no answer key. And we are all travelling down the path to God in a different way at a different speed. If we stay committed and if we keep Christian teachings foremost in our minds and as the guidance to our actions . . . we'll get to a good place in the end.

One of my ministries at All Saints Episcopal Church is helping with the Youth Group. And one thing I always want these middle school and high school kids to know about me is that I don't know the answers. I'd love to hear their questions. And I'll try to give them the answers that I have and that I have heard while I've grown up. But I'm never going to say that I Know What They Should Hear. Because I absolutely don't know. And to act otherwise would be dishonest. I think it is much more valuable for them to see the act of figuring it out within the framework of a hopeful life. Isn't that a much more approachable way of life to demonstrate to kids who have so many confusing things going on in their lives? Why add to it? Give them a break and let them know that it is okay to have questions and it is okay to keep asking questions. Keep searching and answers will come. And those answers will be more meaningful because they have been earned and absorbed, rather than dictated.

Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. We're all searching. Why not search together?.

Lent #2: Religion and Politics

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The Pope and Donald Trump walk into a bar . . .

(Stop me if you've heard this one.)

So, Trump added another victim to his scorched earth campaign this week, getting into a verbal tussle with Pope Francis. Or . . . maybe Pope Francis inserted himself into the political mess by expressing his opinions about the candidate in a press interview. Either way, it got me thinking about religion, politics, and where they rub up against each other--often uncomfortably.

There is a long history of a lot of vagueness about religion and politics. And I'm not here to try and clarify any of that. I'm here to meditate some on how politics and religious work with each other in my own life. And . . . simple enough . . . they work together and inform each other--I think and I hope. My political desires reflect my religious beliefs.

Here's a brief story, for when some of this first began.

Back in high school, my mom asked me to go with her to Atlanta to attend a pro-life political event. There was a march in the city and a brief speech and rally--but I only really remember the march part. I went, because my mom asked me to and because I was not a supporter of abortions. This was probably the first time that religion and politics intermingled in my young life. As a young Catholic, I had been taught that abortions were contrary to my religious faith--both in terms of the culture of life that the Catholic Church stood for and in terms of the Church's doctrinal views toward birth control.

In my adult life, I've sometimes thought back on that march and considered it through a more educated and more personal lens. I do not at all regret participating in it and I am not suggesting that I reject what that event stood for. But I do think I am straddling a more complicated stance on the issue now than I might have had back in high school.

These days, I am still no fan of abortions. But I don't think I am "pro-life" in the way it is portrayed to most people's understanding. I think it is a regrettable choice that some people may be forced to make. But I would hope and pray that, if given the opportunity--people would carry the child to term and give it up for adoption. Not an easy choice. And in some terrible circumstances, an almost impossible choice. So . . . I can't rigidly take a stance on something and pretend that it must be adhered to by all.

Andbutso . . . religion and politics.

My religious faith tells me to stand up for life. To stand up for love. To honor the uniqueness of every person and to always put the centrality of another person as my concern. Because, I believe that God can be found in every person--no matter who they are, the circumstances of their birth, or how they were raised.

So, I want political actions that aim to lift up all, to give everyone the chance to better themselves, to remove barriers that are in front of people. I have a life of grand, unspoken, unrecognized privilege. Jesus teaches me to USE that privilege to extend love and hope to other people. It's just that simple.

And I fail to do it to the utmost. I take the lazy way. I choose the bureaucratic way. I avoid changing my life radically for the betterment of others. I won't do every possible thing that might be in my power to improve lives outside of mine. I am selfish. I have weaknesses.

But even in that weakness, I can still DO so MUCH. And the absolute least that I can do is choose political candidates and support political actions that focus on love and respect for every human being.

That's it. That's all.

Lent #1: Sharing my faith

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What am I going to do for Lent?

This has been going around in my head off and on for the last few weeks--thanks to the proddings of Fr. Jason. And I've settled on the effort of being more open and direct in my own faith and speaking my faith a bit more loudly than I otherwise do.

In some ways, I try to be a bit unassuming. I think I try to avoid the spotlight and don't need to seek out credit for things. I enjoy being a team player, but not necessarily out in front. Which is not to say that I can't lead or that I refuse to be in charge. But I hope that I am circumspect about it. I'll do what is asked of me and I'll move on to the next thing. I don't want to be too precious about the things that I do--either in my professional life or my personal activities. I will take the lead when I need to. I'll listen to the opinions of others and do the best I can in the way that I think is best. And I'll get things done and go to something else.

Success is 90% perspiration and 10% inspiration, some people say. And there is truth in that, because doing work is sometimes more important than being right. But I've learned from my parent's own example in their church life that sometimes success is based strongly on being there. You don't need to have all the answers. But you need to be available. You need to be in attendance. And you need to be willing to say yes to requests. While I've not said yes to everything that is put in front of me, I've tried to say yes more often than not.

So, all this is to say that I'm willing, I guess. But I'm not anyone special. Just there and trying to be open to the possibilities in front of me.

But. . . that unassuming attitude can sometimes slip into a lack of ownership and a lack of commitment. I don't want to be complacent. And so during this Lent and beyond, I want to speak out more clearly about what I believe and why I believe it. How does my religious faith define me? How does it inform my actions? What is valuable in my life because of faith? Can I be more honest about  where my faith needs to grow? And I hope I'll get the chance to reflect back on how my past religious experiences have changed me and made me a better person and taught me things about how to be a better adult, a better father, a better Christian.

In my life I've been blessed with lots of experiences in and around church. I've known many good people and family who do their best. And I've been helped by many, many people from the day I was born until now--people wanting the best from me and cheering me on and wishing me well.

I've been privileged in so, so many ways. And I need to continually recognize that privilege and be thankful for it, but remember to tear it aside and look beyond it to find those who have never had it as good as I. How can I take my advantages and turn them towards those in need? And when another opportunity crops up, and I'm there . . . ? Give me the confidence and the strength to step forward a bit more. I hope I can encourage myself here to not hide from responsibility. Doing this is going to open the door for more chances to say yes. For more chances to break my routine and my comfort. I hope I can do a better job of recognizing that and trying to cheerfully embrace the need for change.

When I Win the Lottery--by Camper Van Beethoven

Dean & David's 2015 Top 10 (Dean's version)

[DAVID: Last night I published my Top 10 Television shows of 2015. And so today, I am letting Dean spend more time telling me where I went wrong and why I'm missing most of #PeakTV. (But don't worry. I won't let his opinions go completely unchallenged.]

As always I will lead off this top ten list by naming a bunch of shows that I can’t justify to myself putting in my actual top ten, but want to note anyways. I had to leave off a LOT OF SHOWS. I wrote down 38 shows that could conceivably had made my top 10. This makes me unhappy. If I left off a show you love just assume it narrowly missed the cut and is one of my other 28.

The Grinder showed me how much I missed having Fred Savage on my TV screen and it is a pleasure to have him back each week.

The Chris Gethard Show helped me cope with depression and anxiety when it was pretty bad earlier this year by letting me hang out with a bunch of weirdos each week.

Nathan For You is doing something so deeply strange and unsettling every week that it’s a shame to leave it off.

Gravity Falls: This show is breaking my heart by ending after only two seasons. There’s something to be said for going out on top, but JUST LIMP ALONG UNTIL I NO LONGER REMEMBER WHY I LOVED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE! IT’S FINE! EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT! I mean, Linda Cardellini and Jason Ritter have got to eat after all. (So does Kristen Schall, but she’s everywhere right now. She’ll be fine.)

And finally, if I could find a way to justify it, Going Deep with David Rees would be my number one show based on how much joy he brings me week to week. I reference one of the things he shows you how to do at least twice a week! But *sigh* this is a serious list for serious people. I cannot be so frivolous as to put Mr. Rees’s show at number one.
[DAVID: Was that a shot at my placing Limitless at Number 2? That was a shot, wasn't it? Well . . . I regret nothing.]

10. Man Seeking Woman: Surprisingly, this crowds out Broad City for the title of 10th favorite show. I hated the first episode so much I wanted to quit, but Rachael convinced me to watch the second episode, and it was so delightfully weird that it won me over. If you like Jay Baruchel this could be the show for you.
[DAVID: How could it be any good if I also disliked it and then abandoned it as well? We were both on the same page here, Dean? Why did you value your wife's opinion over mine?]

9. Deutschland 83: Deutschland 83 is Germany’s answer to the Americans. Instead of Soviet spies in America it’s about an East German spy in West Germany. Also it’s entirely in German! Is it actually better than the Americans? Probably not, but the tensions between East and West Germany were less familiar to me than what happened with American and the Soviet Union (Did you know Carlos the Jackal was likely an East German agent? I didn’t!) Also I find foreign language shows force me to pay attention instead of zoning out on my phone, so it gets extra credit for that as well.
[DAVID: Oh, man. WHAT?! If I wanted lots and lots of German, I'd go back to grad school. No . .  wait, that's a terrible idea. And these Germans probably didn't even have PacMan in 1983, so what was the point of even living. More Paige, less grim Communism!]

8. Silicon Valley: Kumail Nanjiani makes me laugh in everything. Andy Daly makes me laugh in everything. Martin Starr makes me laugh in everything. Zach Woods makes me eternally uncomfortable. This show is great and better than Veep. There. I said it and I don’t regret it. (Veep is also good and made my top 38.  I know.  Top 38 Lists aren’t a thing.)
[DAVID: If you're going to watch a show about computers, why not make it the new and improved second season of Halt and Catch Fire? I've finally started watching some of the episodes on my DVR and I'm liking it much more than my aborted attempt at season 1. And I KNOW you can't say no to Lee Pace, Dean.]

7. Rick and Morty: Hey, this show got real dark. Also I guarantee David will say this show is fake and doesn’t exist, but it does and it’s great.
[DAVID: Hey, I've heard you and Casey talk about this enough at lunch that I have come to trust Casey's views and can't call the show fake. Frankly, I'm surprised that I am recognizing almost all of these shows on your list so far. I thought all that time you spend watching stuff on Amazon Prime would make everything here incomprehensible.]

6. South Park: As the Simpsons slowly circles the drain into being completely unwatchable, the only show even remotely close to matching its longevity somehow put in one of its best seasons in a long
time. Also I finally got to see the Book of Mormon and it was great.

5. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: I’m a sucker for musical episodes of TV. The only Buffy episode I’ve seen is the musical episode. I love the glorious mess that is Galavant! Somehow Crazy-Ex Girlfriend manages to put out three perfect songs on a weekly basis. Please watch it because its ratings are not great (even for The CW) and I don’t want it to be canceled ever. Just go watch the “Sexy Getting Ready Song” and if that doesn’t hook you we can’t be friends.
[DAVID: I also enjoy Crazy Ex-Girlfriend! (Just not as much as Limitless.) Unfortunately, your opinions are now rendered irrelevant, Dean, because you positively mentioned Galavant. You can leave your guest blogger credentials on my desk. 
Also, I thought about linking to a video of the "Sexy Getting Ready Song"--because it is great and I wanted to help the readers out. BUT, I chose NOT to do so. Now go set your DVRs to record new and rerun episodes. Go! Do it now. We'll wait.]

4. Better Call Saul: I love watching Bob Odenkirk. How can the guy from Mr. Show be this good of a dramatic actor? Vince Gilligan is my favorite showrunner.

3. Review: Every episode I think that Forrest MacNeil couldn’t have things get any worse and every
week I am proven wrong. And now he and Grant are dead and that…that will be hard to top.
[JON SNOW: Been there; done that; you know nothing.]

2. Justified: It managed to bounce back from what ailed it last season and ended strong. I thought that I would be devastated that it’s no longer on the air, but between the fact that there were 38 shows I realistically could have had in my top ten and the fact that I liked one show even better than Justified this year I think I’ll be OK.

1. Fargo: The reason I loved Justified so much was its blend of humor and drama that I haven’t found in most other shows. While Fargo’s first season did this a little, the tonal shifts didn’t always work that well. Somehow this season made it work perfectly and I am happy to have this show be my replacement for Raylan Givens and company. Especially now that Timothy Oliphant has is new gig as The Grinder: New Orleans.
[DAVID: Unsurprising agreement on number one. A great choice.]

Because David did it I also present shows I dropped this year:

Gotham: Ugh.
[DAVID: My Stockholm Syndrome prevents me from trying to explain . . .]

Heroes Reborn: I should have known better.
[DAVID: Fifteen minutes and I was out.]

Bastard Executioner: I dropped Sons of Anarchy and I dropped this too. So did everyone else though, it’s dead now. Just like every other character in a Kurt Sutter show.

Mad Men: I dropped this three episodes before the end and then saw the finale. I regret nothing.

Daredevil: So gritty and grim. Exactly what I don’t want in a show any more.

Girls: I’m pretty over Lena Dunham’s whole shtick. We have better female showrunners and actresses now so I don’t need to put up with Tom Brokaw’s daughter’s wooden acting (I still love Zosia Mamet though).
[DAVID: I wanted to get into this show, but lack of continuous HBO has made it hard. And you're probably right about all that you said. Except for the Brokaw bit. That was supposed to be a joke, right?]

Halt and Catch Fire: These people are miserable and need to get over themselves. Watching people be miserable isn’t entertaining any more. It’s been done too much and isn’t fun.
[DAVID: Nooooo!]

Probably a zillion other shows that I only watched one episode of because there are so many shows
on TV now. Shows like Manhattan which I liked but I only have so much time.